“Intro to Me”

I have typed and re typed what i was going to write on my first blog, then i gave up for a few months thinking it was going to be to big a task for me to complete.  I have a condition known as PCOS and as a side effect of that i also have Depression.  I have struggled in the last few years with this condition as i try to move forward to start a family of my own.  But alas my condition has stopped me, i can’t have children naturally and my husband and i are now having to look at going through IVF to concieve a child.  Recently a close friend of mine gave birth to a lovely little girl, but this has brought up a range of emotions for me that i am very frustrated with.  My friend and i live about an hour and half apart, we use to live closer but my husband and i now have new farming jobs and had to move, scince then we have grown apart.  In the last year i have tried my hardest to keep the connection open, and visited as often as i could.  When learning that she was pregnant i was quite broken to start with but i dealt with it and moved on, then saw her and her partner get married, went to her baby shower, went shopping together the whole while feeling that the connection was getting stronger.  Then everything changed, she had the baby and now there is no contact at all, i text a few times to enquire about the new baby and when i might be able to visit, but to be turned down at every oppourtunity.  I was quite upset about this and it brought back up those horrible feelings and i spent a few days in a very sad state.  I have semi decided that i will take a back seat on this and wait for her to contact me, but in the real hope that she will but in reality she probably wont.  I know i’ll get over this and move on but why is this such an issue for me ?  I want to be happy, i am happy for her and i want to be apart of all the excitement…

From T:(B 

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